Complimenting .. a la Fast Bowling !!

   It’s been whiling away since long and thus I thought I revive my writing. Writing, my way of paying a tribute to things I love e.g. Cricket and being liked in return, what better can I ask for ?   

   And one of the ways of being liked is Complimenting. Complimenting, the way of praising someone leads to admiration in return not only because it’s the way ‘Complimentee’ pays back. This is how the human mind works, you praise a person and they think good and nice about you. It also helps that in our shy/conservative society, not many come out in the open and compliment, more so if it’s the opposite sex. Stories would be cooked up as fast as in a Roadside Restaurant and thus you camouflage the ones you mean by putting too many of them for too many of them.

  Its interesting how things which exhibit common traits are strikingly similar in this country(more so when you have both on offer and not many takers). Complimenting /Asking Out is very much like fast bowling, an endangered species in this country. The more you like the Batsman/Girl, the more you want to clean bowl them and in this urge & you try bowling from as closer distance as you can and hence likely to over-step. This over-stepping meets with a ‘NO’ to your expectation of ‘Yes, I do !!’ . The changed rules of the game means the batsman gets a as free hit, thereby resulting in one more opportunity to bowl them out and hence a silly yet desirable proposition for the bowler. Shocking as it may sound, free hit is a desirable proposition in Complimenting, and you thank heavens for being hit. You hit me or I hit on you, it’s a win-win situation either way. God bless the one who innovated ‘free hit’ !!

  As a fast bowler, one is entrusted with the responsibility of making the first strike into the enemy territory. But that duty which many would like to fancy comes with risks to the tune of Black Hawk Down. Same is the case with complimenting, you just go and bowl, mindfully forgetting the reputation of the batsman because it’s the delivery that claims the wicket not the bowler and it’s the wicket that goes down not the batsman. Having said that you would always like to question that why is there is there a bowling limit or the whole hoopla of T-20. I mean, there is a seductive pleasure to be derived from slowly making inroads into enemy territory and all of a sudden catching them by surprise than the game of Suicide-Suicide and see who blows themselves first.

  Fast bowling takes a toll over your body as excessive complimenting takes on your reputation. Thus, train so hard, so that you can bowl every next over and that too only because you don’t want too much of you and still be noticed. In line with the way our minds work, the things that are consistently in front of us go un-noticed and the ones whose frequency is the least is covered in General Knowledge/Current Events like Haley’s Comet, which comes every 76 years.

  It’s not only that you bowl well and its done, the wing-man/fielder has to do his bit. Messing up with the batsman’s mind by sledging (read commenting beyond approval) has been a successful trick since times immemorial. Thus, more than anything else, keep on doing stuff which would make the batsman throw his wicket in disgust like showing the middle finger in place of the index after claiming the victim or making an L which could mean ‘Love’ on this sticky wicket that Complimenting is. It might cost you dear or a dear someone if you take this approach but who wants the match fee or that someone who can’t handle the beamer which was meant to be a bouncer !!

 
Another mantra of becoming a good fast bowler is to pick your batsman.Don’t get fascinated by very tall ones who may look even better in high heels, they are the tail-enders by habit. The good batsman can be established by their looks, they are not very tall and of medium build, plays by the book and every shot in the book thereby making it tough to bowl. So are some women, easy to find (you can spot them in a crowd equally pretty friends) but hard to get.

  The big shots or the big shot hitter aka master blasters of this game, a 10 on 10 if we round off. 10 to the perfection of their jersey number. What makes these perfect 10’s what they are that they take they take 7’s after multiple rounding up as seriously as a 10, with due respect and this is what gives you the motivation to bend your back, beyond the spine can and reciprocate the gesture.

   Practice makes a man perfect & thus what is expected of batting maestro’s is to gracefully block the delivery/ dialogue with a ‘Not Good Enough’ rather than taking offence of the endeavour to go past their defence. ‘Block’ as in cricketing shot and not its literal meaning, by closing all channels of communication.

   When you get them, they will act disgusted, throw their bat in frustration and might even hate you but you know they will question themselves once in admiration about how did you go past that wall of defence.

   Too much in making a case of legitimising this abnormal complimenting. The million dollar IPL contract question is “Why should a legend pay heed to your compliment/request for net practice & why not prefer playing the taller, muscular looking friend for a knock?”. This predicament complicates itself with hordes lining up in Compliment-ary !! I mean why on earth would anyone compliment a girl with a cliché like ‘Beautiful’. Given the liberty and luxury, every woman would prefer being associated with things unique, ironically they shed their trait when it comes to ‘Compli’  .  Like in fast bowling, its never about how fast, all that matters is a lot of things like rhythm, pace, bounce, swing etc. Thus, it should not matter who wrote the cliché/compli first but sadly it does.  

  One of theory that has always been quoted in self-defence of even flirts is that it boosts up the confidence of the subject and thus is a noble thing and should be done on purpose, frequently. Thus , right to equality upholds that the poor cousin of flirting i.e. Complimenting be also seen in the same light and the convict be allowed a free run as its not even a crime, even if it is, consider the culprit as Juvenile.

  The thought that playing along with just about any bowler/admirer will ruin your game is misplaced. If this is how the big shots keep thinking, how would the promising ones, willing to keep their word, even the unsaid ones, ever get a chance ??

  This might qualify as foul play/pleading you case to the extent of drawing sympathy. Drawing parallels & pushing it off a work of geometry, but aren’t rules meant to be mended(too many of em) ??

   Its not an individual’s petition and probably a PIL. Thus, the writer should not be held accountable for things said in general/gender-neutral for the people. But, can assure of changing the game or the way he plays it. It’s the game that matters, no matter even if you have to be the wingman !!

Happy Complimenting: D 

Run-Up to d Valentine..Starting Pongal !!

You know its festival time when CoolDeep Thought comes across your notification and may be your mind, while it might be reducing the fun for a lot many of you, ‘life is like that, deal with it !’. 14th January is among the very few festivals in India, celebrated on a fixed date of English calendar. The serendipity of all these festivals falling on this day are actually double twins with many half brothers and sisters. Today and the night before celebrate the harvest of Kharif crop and thus prosperity in the form of different festivals across the country celebrating the harvest . Differing in their ways with the only common thing being that unfailingly they celebrate. Celebration in the name of name of Lohri, Makar-Sankranti, Guddi-Parva (Gujrat) or the very Tamilian ‘Pongal’. But my food has been coming from the kitchen/mess and thus I need not celebrate the sickle, slitting the throat of a paddy crop somewhere on the right or left of a highway. And thus I try to discover what can it mean to people like us. People who observe the only ritual on every festival of visiting Shopping Malls or just ‘Hanging Out’. 

           

  Other than slitting the throat of a plant which I am sure by the books of some ‘Oh..so Eco-Freindly, Nature Lover !’, somebody or the other is born on this day and thus can be the birthday of someone, you might have known. You got it right ! but i’ll deny that fact and camouflage it wait another that its the birthday of Hindu Calendar and not the daughter of someone who shared the name of an Ex-PM. But you cannot have so many new years and thus the importance of this day is to mark of the arrival of warmer days and not having to wear sweaters and body warmer (applies if you are from colder north). For studious types it signifies the arrival of the finest days when they would slog even harder and not only reap the dividends but root out the whole syllabus sapling from the proverbial pool of knowledge and restoring its life in the flower pot of examination sheet.

   But I am not one of those who ever lost sleep over syllabus. One ‘jhapki’ and that’s it! (the occasions when I broke my vow simply don’t count, my Blog-my Bragg !). For lovers most of whom end up being losers as they never strive for things everybody else does and wrongly branded loners, the day signifies the last lap in the run up to St Valentine’s Day. I cannot agree more with myself when I said in my FB update that ‘Lohri can be as much about celebrating the crop harvest as about proverbial celebration of harvesting your Love Crop, which you hope will be laden with fruits on St. Valentine’s Day. Having put Pampering Fertilizers (read Flirt) & Showering Compliments all year long. May be you could not say, may be you never will and are likely to remain silent even on V Day but your silence would speak loud n clear !’. Or even worse she has been somebody else’s valentine for years or adding insult to the injury, says ‘Yes !! (y) :D  <3 ;)’ to somebody else, and you start hating all the imaginary emoticons that across your mind with that thought. After all they are no Unclaimed Territory that u reach first and plant your flag & by planting I meant only literally ;) (so rest that dirty thought) . If anything, they are like the ports with vast international waters around them called socialization. Everyone should be allowed to sail, irrespective of TSD( Time Speed or Distance/Direction) without branding their course illicit-ous because which ship will call port is totally their discretion .But who cares !, while some may, I do not. One cannot like or have a crush only if the other person meets the critical criterion of being single. And thus there was another update and I agree even more to this ‘Its romantic to dance with a girl in dim light & its Lohri when you dance with a lot many, going round in a circle, throwing Puffed Rice, Popcorn n Munchies into d bonfire which flirt-ily illuminates and hides their faces in turns as if acting like a scarf to save from your harmful X-ray vision eyes, putting the spot light on different ‘Show Stoppers’ and making your heart skip a beat & pick a glass’. Thus we see how the Up-Date-errrr.. tries to bring out the romantic side of otherwise boring and mundane activity like a festival dedicated to harvesting. I mean as long as its not served on my plate, how it matters if it was harvested or is still standing. This will land me in a lot of disagreement with a lot many and probably thats what I want, being at the centre of controversy. It gets you the eyeballs.

  If that is the scenario in North, the Hindi heartland calls it Makar-Sankranti and celebrates by eating Til-Kut . Til(sesame seeds),black and white when binded together with fevicol by Kareena Kapoor becomes Tilkut. That is not true at all and jiggery is used in the edible version by the womenfolk of the family or ‘Panditji Mithaiwale’ but yes Kareena binds men together like fevicol,the little, black and white. Forget Kareena, she is not gettable and does not even have a mole. Mole, a ‘til’ is what beats even ‘tilkut’ this season. It occupies your imagination, even if its not where it suits the best, to the right or left of upperlip. These are not the things that go into any recipe prepared on this day or a blog written for it and its  hormones which are to blame for this predicament and are getting hyper, decide what keys you punch or the course hereafter which would follow the Ganges. A little eastward and you reach PaschimBanga or the earstwhile West Bengal, the innovator of Misti-Dohi (Sweet Curd). While my place has a tradition of eating flattened rice with not so Misti-Dohi as it would involve getting in IPR infringement issues with the Mamata Di herself and who wants that !. So we make it stealthily. Heard a lot about their sweet dishes but don’t know exactly how the bongs celebrate it. To our rescue there is always Google so please DIY !.

  Sorry about the slip of tongue which keeps wagering out of control in the direction of good food unfailingly. So our (me) lover in this part of the country keeps his faith in controlled fermentation (controlled flirtation) and waits for the the V day. To make good all the loss of dairy delicacy, he names her ‘Misty’ if not Shona (dairy analogy better be put to rest right there! ) to keep reminding himself how much is riding on the next 31 days to come, and the hurdles along the way. 

  East or West, the same storyline is fitted into a different plot. The tried and tested ‘peench ladana’(enatanglement) on Guddi-Parv in Gujrat goes hand in hand along with ‘Nain Ladana’ ,and many a Kite goes down while doing this, literally and figuratively. But then everything that fly’s in sky is not meant to land successfully, a living-dead example of this is Kingfisher & the movie Kites. Not many of you might be knowing that Kingfisher went down because they were being consistently cursed for employing boyfriends of peoples crush and girls thought that it was Nana Patekar in Kites, the movie. So what did kids like me did? I was a kid back then and there, and not very good at either ‘Nain’ or ‘Pench’ and thus did what any enterprising Gujrati would do, collect the Kites which have fallen and might have sold them as well. The better part was that these Kites came with ‘Strings Attached’ and thus adding cherry to the cake. Before you judge me, let me say this in my defence ‘I was young and Candy’s were too good to resist !’. Somebody elses ‘Kai Po Che’(gujrati meaning ‘I have cut’) became so awaited and a music to the ears as the movie with the same name and based on Chetan’s 3 Mistakes of My Life is. The sky should always be open safe as well, why should a fighter patangbaaz or for that matter Kinfisher Pilot should take down an innocent cycle-rider : )

  Down south, its celebrated over 4 days with the most prominent one being Pongal. Beginning with Bhogi when you burn very old stuff which may refer to relationships turned awry and thus looking up to the future which is here and now in only 31 days. The second day is dedicated to worshipping the Sun god, so that things remain bright and sunny and no gloomy dark cloud hover your endeavour. But then the thought of ZNMD( Zindagi Naa Mileegi Dobaara) strikes chord and our lover tries to observe life from close proximity of death by taming the bull of bearish thoughts on Jallikattu. And last but not the least, he goes on an outing to live life having understood the value of life. Having said and written that, I’ll end it here as even I have figured out what I am not going to do and its only 31 days to go. Goodbye :)   

  

Claimer : The blogger expresses personal feelings for the reader, who should give try to understand what he is trying to say as he can’t make it more obvious. It’s on purpose and meant to impress and all characters are portrayals are real him, somebody or the other(living and lovely).

Apology : Sorry about the blog in which I said, 007 din’t make out in Skyfall, in a way he did but you will agree that he is getting older and has cut down on his habits :P

Mid-Night Mishap !!

    Its that part of the year when we make resolutions but people like me do not. Why?, because my resolution for the past 10 years did not come true and its an apologetic ‘ I’ll make a girlfriend !’, but could never make it. I am so bored with making the same resolution every year that New Year seems to be nothing more than a change of calendar and since the past few years even that has stopped, all thanks to technological advancement.

 Mishaps happen on cold Delhi nights and one happened with me two days back. ( No !, you wrong shit-head, I am still as pure as Ganga in the upper reaches of Himalyas). But yes, men are menace !, On-road or On-Line. The second type covers themselves up behind a nice profile and are out there to trouble somebody else’s sister, wife or girlfriend. The irony being that you don’t know that you have committed a crime till you are informed. I mean how does one know if somebody is not friends with one’s own sister and that silly is your friend. In my own defence, “It was late in the night, I was home and in the control of a lot of cofee, when I saw the same red light blink as the time when i became friends with that model. But now that the model has deactivated her account somebody from the fairer sex had to be roped and hence began my requests to whosoever I had any connection with. Besides that,being Un-friended (the word is catch up !) by a Girl has a lasting impact on your psyche, leaving a void in  Friend List which can be filled by as many girls as you can(there is no too-much for good things !).  This notification was from a DU girl who had understood what meant to say in an update and put a LIKE. That sprang me into action and I sent a request as I always do which are mostly unaccepted. But it does not end at that, this time it got even more embarrassing (but I am unmoved !) when the recipient turned out to b a friend’s Sister & reverted back addressing me as ‘Bro’ and expressing her inability to accept my request. Not to be marginalized in this favourite blinder of Indian Women, I grabbed the opportunity of being brothers with her saying that A Bro’s Sis is always a Sis (though, with a heavy heart !) and is mathematical corollary of ‘Parallel Theorem of Friendship’(where a friends friend is not only mutual friend, is actually a friend !) and a destroyer of an ancient vow of not being brothers with any pretty girl/woman.

   The fact that the friend camouflaged here turned out to be a friend in deed as he had said good and nice about my writing which this secret sibling of mine did not forget to mention . This kind of event is new for me as most of the times my friends label me as someone who makes unnecessary noise (read blogs !). Though, I love the way world has become a small place and you can reach anybody from the comfort of your quilt but not like this. Sorry Bro !, you said good and nice about me but I would take it as adversity reaching everywhere I want to go and before I reach, guess adversity has GPS enabled device and is tracking me, one step before I take it.

  Trumped in my own game as I was, one of the thoughts that came to my mind was to type with the left hand only. And why not, the night was ruined!  and I was very sure that she might pull a hand out of the laptop and tie a Rakhi on my right hand. All kind of depressing thoughts started coming to my mind and I started cursing Indian women. One of them was about their seeing things in Black and White only though they wear all variety of colours with panache but when it comes to realationships, it fades into B&W. They see only in Black & White, leaving all other shades of Wheatish (meant literally only !) . Its like they view it through the prism of suspicion and every guy who is not your boyfriend is a brother material. This prism can be deemed racist with the boyfriend material being Tall ,Fair & Hunk and ignorant of the fact that the original saying prescribes Tall,Dark & Handsome. The fairly-tale world of women makes them live in this illusion that they can find this guy and he will dig for them as well as if she is the only girl. So what are we left with as an eligible and sensible qualification (e.g. Tall,Dark & Handsome), may be ‘any two of the three’ and two only is fairly good enough to qualify most of us and the rest be damned (I don’t care !).

 We had a little more conversation where she praised my work and I reverted with all the impressions of a would be writer. I found a sister and this also happens on cold Delhi mid-nights when you are home and have a lot to do but you don’t feel like. The city has and winters have been in news for wrong, it gave me huge satisfaction that the coffee kept me from not acting like a jerk. HNY :-)

Being Stereotypical Yet Unpredictable !!

   It feels so nice when close friends point out my over-enthusiastic activity on the social network and the gradually compressing social life. A part of me identifies with their concern and an even larger part , says " Baah !!". The fact that most of the world does not understand what I want to say is a big drag. And their understanding what I have not said, even bigger. So why do I or anybody else who are out there, being on their own, feel like making a port call by throwing anchors. The fact is and still remains that every ship would like to be assured of the existence of safe anchors or that it has company, no matter how high seas it has been or the number of storms survived . The reminders act as an anchor and the sail at the same time, keeping me from crossing the horizon into high seas and showing direction as well . But theses chains do not seem to be strong enough to stop me and probably rusted because of its presence since times immemorial.Moreover,this ship has sailed into unknown and unfriendly waters and i see many regretting my courses but still wishing me luck, now that i have sailed. I might be referring things in my life which i see from my frame of reference and i am supposed to do justice to my point of view. The other side of the story could be different, entirely different !. Could be that i did not move at all and the world moved or both of us moved in opposite direction. But one thing stands true in all observation, the differences and distance has increased.

  But then its like a cautious kid in love with its kite not letting it traverse into the unknown sky and thus is conservative in loosening up the string. And why not ! 'No Strings Attached' is only a fad and is doomed to crash. One might have a flight of freedom but after a while you shall and you will crash. Crash you will,because there are social conventions, the rules which have been agreed upon to be followed and more importantly imposed. Though it doesn't mind spreading its arms and flexing its muscles every time you want to do something, there is some social law or the other that you might be breaking. Though innumerable, these laws can be summarized  into 'Follow the conventions and be Conservative & Orthodox' . These conventions and rituals act as signposts for our blindfolded eyes,providing a narrow and safe journey to our destinations. The other option is taking the cross country track, which might be surprisingly short if you trail the diagonal or you might get struck on this off-road adventure. The reason for not many opting for the option is that they think, its meant for the big boyz toyz  and they are fine with running the marathon. Losing in the Marathon is such a face saver that it keeps us from participating in races. So what if we lost, its a marathon where everybody loses and since somebody has to win,somebody wins and we don't care !.What they do miss-out is that the off-road format is democratic as it favours the men than the machine. Evolution of society has led to formation of rules and conventions which always favour the faster on the highway but do the un-conventional and the next thing you know is that their 4*4 is struck in mud. So while you want to control the kite so bad it wants to break apart even bad and live a no strings attached relationship with you, no matter how short it is and what it is destined to. The threat of braking apart becomes stronger in this weather when the wind starts picking up, threatening to tear away the kite if  its not allowed to fly freely. The kite looks strong and uncontrollable as long as an end is still with a handler. Probably the best way is to let it have its flight uninterrupted in a limited area. The over-cautious care and hence the thought to bring it down from heights (OR high !...whichever you like), is not required. It learnt to brave the winds and ride on them, its inbuilt in his design.

  But why do some of us ( and that refers to the one and only me! ),take up this course against the tide. Probably because 'Opposites Attract' theory help in attracting the opposites (both literally and figuratively) as the Fish-catch is more against the flow. A strange attraction is associated with the things which are not commonplace. The things which we do not understand the types which are branded mysterious,artistic or just different from the way it should be. Actin exactly opposite the way you should makes you so desirable. But it does not stop at that, you go a step ahead and shatter it to bring in the element, pretending to be out of out of the box and unconventional yet in control of the situation, knowing exactly what you are doing.

 Before you  find it 'gibberish' as my updates and rubbish it under the carpet, let me tell you the above philosophy is in practice and preached in marketing echelons as 'Social Media Marketing'.(its another thing their content is far superior but yes,the concept is the same. !). So while our society always had this addictive social behavior, its Social Network adaptation has been compared and branded blasphemous. The government is trying to rein in out-pour on social network ,but the bigger problem is  'how to book Bengali's for doing 'Adda' ( its a 'Sit n Talk' !, in practice much before Cafe Coffee day was even born ) or for that matter the punjabi love for bragging. And mobilizing an opinion requires improvising. Improvising, the easiest way to get better than the original with no danger of being rejected summarily. An even more successful is impersonation where you just copy and paste somebody elses thoughts or work and acting as the middlemen, thereby making the highest percentage of profits. The whole FDI/Telecom Pricing debate is about this, the right of the middleman to make unhealthy profit or the messenger underplaying the message. Impersonation is something which keeps our system going where we need suitable candidates and not competent ones to run the system. The impersonators run the system, don't do it in studies and you are doomed because the 'definables' are already defined and you are not supposed to deviate from it . Don't wear fake brands and you don't make an impression as 'making a second impression' happens only in quotes and most of the time we end up ridiculing and embarrassing ourselves in public while attempting it. The argument in favour being 'Why be youself when you can be somebody else and somebody can be anybody !'. The intelligent ones or the geniuses be damned,who wants them !. They are injurious to the health of system, a sleepercell of rebellion, a spanner in the moving wheel , the ones who would recommend  major changes and destabilize the current arrangement. instability to the system. 

Man is a social animal who has lately started living in the zoo called 'Social Network' and needs to mark its territory consistently and sometimes encroach into others as well and accept it or not, every LIKE you put or share you hit is a manifestation of this animal instinct. The animal instinct should be given way to express itself from time to time, be it economy or social behaviour or else it leads to stagflation. Economics and Social Behaviour agree more , 'activity is what counts, some will gain for you some will lose but do not try and regulate things artificially,this will most likely create a bubble which will burst someday. Taking about burst, your mind may if I make it any longer. So before it does, cool it of by venting all you have in you head, and I know you have, everybody has !! Happy Expressng :-)

  

The Loud Chants of a Silent Prayer !!

   Life has been monotonous and celebrations have taken a back seat, sometimes all you care for is that tomorrow is a holiday and you don’t have to attend college without knowing what it is all about. It could be an occasion of celebration and you are not invited and you are no more the guy who invites himself. And this is when the forwarded messages start making sense. I got one which told me it’s ‘Happy B’day Gurunanak Dev Ji’. I always had faith in Sikhism & Guru Nanak Dev Ji, but nothing bolsters that faith more than a guy in need. Thus, I said a silent prayer and wrote this blog which I believe reaches someone who would grant me my wish. In between being busy to get some work, I have stopped paying my allegiance to God but throughout our stay in Amritsar, I visited the Golden Temple to pay my allegiance. Gods, like Women need to be consistently reminded of your allegiance & my trips served both purposes, multiple Gods and all the women who unfailingly were pretty and could have given any model a run for their money had they cut on their dairy rich punjabi diet. But how could one do that with the presence of an array of eateries could have been another reason, where the elixir of life was served in the form of Pranthas, Chaats,Lassi & everything else that the Punjabi culture has bestowed upon us. Though non-vegetarian, the juicy Chicken Tandoori had more elixir of life than anything else. Alright, my tongue is tasting northwards and I know it’s a crime to write appetizing blogs which might leave you craving and hungry.

  Coming back to the flashback as a method to highlight the present, this is for shifting away your attention and stealthily hiding the gift knowing petty well that you will find it. It’s said that today if somebody asks with a clean heart, he gets whatever he wants. So this is my greeting with devotion, kindly do listen to them, it might not be music to your ears but I took some sweet time in the composition, prayers are prayers even if said silently gifts are gifts and it does not matter whether the sender wants to remain anonymous or the receiver finds it nice. So where was I ?, taking a flight to the Sikhly populated Amritsar and my body following it in the Shan-E-Punjab Express, boarding the semi-punjabi Delhi and reaching the first floor house surrounded by by lush green fields and coloured in pink( If you thought I am Gay, you should have read ET y’day !) . The character of city was a combination of sweet and aggressive as they make it sound in our Bollywood movies but then towards the extremes of our country there is bound to be a regional identity taking shape of Sense of Superiority and things we find so loving and romantic, true in all the four directions. The city would be bathed in lighting and a grand Langer would be organized belittling even the big fat Punjabi wedding. It was like a grand cake for Babaji, as the Hindus love to call him and everybody was invited and accommodated irrespective being a follower of the faith. So no question of being shy or being invited or the formality of cutting the ice before getting a piece of cake. The ‘Langer’ is always free and I will keep coming for the ‘Prasad’ for ages to come.

      Tapppp !, that’s the sound that would have been generated if my friend would have slapped my head in a friendly manner yet making sure that I understand ‘Life is in the present and you need to get on with rather than living in illusion’. In reaction to the imaginary hit, ‘Aaaah....you  !@$%^&   ’ goes my imaginary reaction cum curse. But I do hear you my friend, even though you have stopped saying it and understand your concern. Sky would not fall if I leave this one incomplete because sometimes you do not reach conclusion and some ‘CoolDeep Thoughts’ be rested for the better. Plus one ‘Skyfall’ has been heard to have rave reviews and is consistently moving up the charts even without making a point or making out in it. Thus, I am optimist that even this one can , keeping my fingers crossed and hands wide open for whatever is coming for me and my Inbox tells me it’s a 5000 pound Gorilla of the management world, and I want to be its breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner or the unhealthy ‘whatever’. Please Babaji do some magic and let it feed on me . :-)

After Reading the Compensation Details, CoolDeep Thinks : The 5000 pound Gorilla turned out to be juster another monkey who is not willing to part with its peanuts forget about the Bananas :-(

Nodding in Disagreement !!

Spoiler-Alert : This is long & will stimulate the same feelings as the last time !

The recent post of Chetan Bhagat on Twitter (you can follow me at @OpineDifferent, i don’t mind :D) prescribes that girls and boys in a relationship should focus more on building themselves than making their lovers happy. Like many, FPS was the first novel non-text book i read and had a lasting impact on me. I am basically a Rastogi and sometimes try to be a Rancho or Hari depending upon how much room the situation provides me. So, the Hari in me wants to ask how does one build themselves if they lack on the physical parameter. (Wish ! Supplements and steroids helped Dark & Handsome men grow taller).And what advice do you have for those who like taller women and the its a love triangle with the women in love with their high heels. (The pervert in you likes it when they take them off though you like them wearing it, and I am still talking about the high heels !). It seems like the chief protagonist, who unfailingly have different names of Lord Krishna have started to preach “Do your work and do not worry about the results”, all of them at once. However, what made the books sell is that the characters were pursuant and conspirators. This made him a ‘Role Model’ for younger generation, in a society which has no dearth of role models and even Rahul Gandhi is one of them. Chetan was for the masses but has now adopted this intellectual-phobia, orphaning the masses. He stoked & caressed the rebel in you, and has now suddenly dumped him for being politically and motivationally correct.

Chetan’s recent preaching’s resonates in the belief of a hypothetical very pretty girl’s mother, “Life is to express yourself and not to impress others” (and I don’t care who uttered them first time !) but that pretty girl or for that matter any pretty girl is not impressed by expressing. Sorry Chetan, Sorry Hypothetical Auntiji , I listened to you because I thought those are the things that would help me impress her and impressing is all that all I intend, because I know how it ends.

 Chetan is like the engine of a passenger train whom a large section of the society boards and enjoys the journey, the journey of a crowded compartment, stopping at every station as if taking stock of how the people are doing and reassuring them “ All izzz Well...All izzz Well”. But little did they know someday he would become fascinated by the majestic Rajdhani Express parked in the yard and being an iconic passenger train engine he could lay claim to the right to drive the classy travellers to their destinations. And these people think they got the fairy queen at the price of Rajdhani. But then that means shunting the passenger trains coaches without notice, not even reducing the speed, perfect recipe for a collision and casualties. But before that happens and if ever that happens, the clairvoyant in me has seen it beforehand and pulled the alarm and passengers get down from that train at the next station. There is another train called ‘CoolDeep Thoughts’ which would take you wherever you want, without any fare!.

   This is a nation of a million mutinies ( daily !) and every act of an individual is triggered by circumstances and thus be respected for his/her  endeavours rather than laughed at. After all, those are stories that Chetan told, in a manner that everyone could read it. Then,’Why this Kolaveri Di !’ ,its like he has eaten a heavy Sunday Brunch and is stubborn to eat the lunch as well. I have not read his “What Young India Wants” but I know petty well what it does, not to leapfrog into middle age by prescriptions like these and live their life. What it aspires is to wear  worn out jeans, torn out at places, teamed up with T-Shirts and at times wear a Kurta or Kurti which hides those symbols of being a rebel. Rebel or Decent, its one choice and should better be respected.

      Its neither their fault nor their job to correct the wrongs. I mean they should focus on their priorities first and its only natural that most of the times its the girl or boy they love or the mathematically more inclusive, have a crush on (you can deny !) .The 50000 foot high ideals and thoughts( CoolDeep Thoughts being one of them :p)  can happen later when a winner in their personal lives would go ahead and help make a better society. 

   Further he goes about telling us to say ‘Thank You!’ (and chicken out !) to those who treat you badly . Saying ‘Thank You!’ is such a good manner but not meaning is so bad, Cold Blooded Bad!. According to him we should be all ears and go back and make changes and sell ourselves in another market. The crime of the current user being that it went on to give a feedback and thus we should act like an arrogant monopolistic manufacturer and snatch the good from her/him. In my opinion, we should thank them for making us realize how short we are on expectations (and sometimes height as well !).My little unemployable knowledge of management tells me that sales of goods is irrespective of the quality and marketing plays a major role. Thus, rather than going for unending R&D, we better take the feedbacks kindly and make the changes ( I am also trying to make blogs comprehendible and realize that by now I have lost you but believe me I am trying !).

Rather than meeting expectations and go change yourself why not stick to what we are good at and someday that person might understand. It’s like sealing all other borders when you are engaged in a confrontation at one. But what about nations like India who are surrounded by sceptical neighbours and has porous borders and tense one as well .Shall we go back into war preparation mode, cutting all channels of communication or engage and address the bone of contention. The whole idea of going back to the drawing board and making a masterpiece is a manifestation of Deservance ( There is no such word like most of my theories). But, a fundamental knowledge of Statistics tells us that Deservance is only relative and hence not everyone can deserve, even if all of them strive to. Also lives are meant to be lived and not strived, some of us might have desires which are not in sync with what we deserve and it does not matter because we do not base our desires on them.

People keep a latch on the proverbial door to their inner self while keeping the door open and that’s your chance, be flexible and get through the gap rather go shopping for a huge hammer and break it open. That would be like devaluing your currency by trading with many partners, importing all the best things in life so much so that the purchasing power goes for a tailspin. I mean what one would do with the built up themselves when the one person you want to showcase yourself is not watching.

PS : India’s Most Confused writer regrets using a well meant, noble intended motivating lines for vilifying  India’s Most Loved Writer and as an atonement would chant all his books loud and would very soon bring this viewpoint to the notice of Chetan. 

Of Rama, Sita & Raavana !!

  Deepawali is not yet over and Cool-Deep seems to have run out of oil. It is true, because its being put to task till midnight and a little long after that.I should not be writing this or for that matter anything because of some other priorities but then that would mean being opportunist. Even the proverbial ink is refusing to flow. The phrase 'Put your money where the mouth is' suits traders and I am an investor ( having taken up Investment Banking, I get the right to Boast ! ) and would rather stay invested and take up a stand or the more practical be the 'Stand-By' than shy away. Though the probability of succeeding is as low as Kejriwal winning an election (I wish & pray to be proven wrong !), still i want to give it a try, who knows the now so miffed and rightly so 'Lady Luck' might choose to smile at me someday. Voters and readers are most of the time under fascination and charmed by the writer/politician where the 'slash' is increasingly being slashed away and giving space to an 'and'. However, a honest writer or politician should always speak their mind. And thus i am heating up the controversial yet staple for every household in this country, the Rama-Sita-Raavana story. Since there should be something special on Deepawali, I am not doing it the traditional way and this might even end up as a culinary disaster or poison for which I might be sentenced to gallows, once again proverbial one. And before it runs out of steam and I lose your attention, I am placing the cooker back on fire. The pressure is going to be high enough and might even blow away my already tarnished reputation, so be kind and forgiving.

  Ever since you were a kid, your mother keeps building up this illusion that you are either Rama or Krishna. The pleasant coincidences of your birthday bumping up with Dussera, Diwali or Chhath Puja. The last one does not builds up the illusion and thus like every obscure mathematician trying to prove something that does not exist we ignore it by assuming the value is close to infinity and thus can single handedly tilt the balance in your favour and thus be saved for future. The belief keeps getting stronger every year and this year it has reached the heights with  Dussera choosing to be on my birthday and Diwali on my youngest cousin's.   Seems like auspices are saluting you like the parade and gun-salute when you were born, and made you cry and that explains the crying baby that I am, coiled to the inside fearing every stranger is out there to befriend and then hurt my feelings. But an actor that I am, I can wash my face, put some lotion and you get back the tough guy.And thus the doubling up of celebration is probably being halved like the mathematical paradox and better be left to economists from top universities who have in the past taken up studies like these. Miss-Leading indicators make me believe that I am either Rama or Krishna but as its turns out every time, I am the Raavana. But this is not out of choice, whenever you meet a 'Sita' after she attained adult franchisee, chances are that she has already made her choice two years before about whom to stamp her approval upon ( As they say, catch em young ! ) . I seriously think that that this is an act of war against the male population of this country and the culprits be brought to the books. Never Mind, this crime goes unchecked and whatever you do to check it brands you 'Raavan'. Its highly likely that she realizes her mistake of falling for Raavana at some point of time ,and goessobbing, deep inside the mother earth , closing the way to her heart for Rama and Raavana as well. So even if the story folds out exactly opposite, its Sita who has to bear the loss. One of the men has to die, again a proverbial one at that, but then character assassination is as good as real life. Given the Drama that lives has become ever since Shakespeare saw from that angle and wrote so that all of us could, and for those who still could not, there is Omkara. 

  In modern age Ramayana, showing near you everywhere,Sita always makes the game-changer mistake of going for the Raavana ( A difft. name for the epic bringing Sita to the fore would have been more apt !). Ignoring the Bow-Breaking Bravery act of Rama she chooses the Back-bending man with Bulging Biceps and this probably is her revenge for the unfair treatment met out in the original version. Bulging Biceps is not easy, you have to take care of the right posture and then comes the difficult part of exerting force and so is Braking Bows, you have to first sense the center where exerting the force would break it.Why is it so that some people break a bow and its done, I mean there are other things as well which should be taken into account. After all , a girl is not a trophy to be won in a sporting event. Fine with whosoever Sita, Radha or for that matter she chooses in her 'Swayamvar' or the Bride's Choice, the constitution of India gives me the right to equal opportunity and I am not fine with it being snatched away. Forget Constitution, its manipulation rests with the likes of Sibal and our Ex-law minister, lets take a leaf out of the Government which generates ministries to out of nowhere to save the alliance and the government. Why not make an arrangement for ever lasting peace and love.A place right below Boyfriend and just above 'Best Friend' called the 'Stand-By' can be generated so that no lover is ridiculed year after year till eternity.  Its like credit rating for loans, once rejected it haunts you everywhere and nobody loans you a heart. Having understood the tricks of the game and failed as well but still possessing the desire to be seen as a 'Player' and thus unwillingly you jump into the arena to be seen as someone who has Sportsman Spirit. But deep within you are retired and have a secret obsession with being branded the 'Most Eligible Bachelor' for the longest stint with the belief that not getting married or committed will make you as desirable as Salman, and then sliding into oblivion.

    But, never mind its all written and every script looks the same.Thus, you have the girl with the wrong guy (without fail !) and a pursuant who because of his endeavor is branded Raavana. This guy takes up to the tried and tested formula of Raavana which interestingly and not laid emphasis upon, was also practiced by Rama. He absorbs himself into meditative acts to please Lord Shiva ( to bless his writing ! ). If you really desire to achieve something like a stubborn kid, the whole world and the heavens above conspire against you, to not have it and thus the tricking of a kid by god. Both Rama & Raavana worshiped to please the Goddess who has many forms and has cast a spell on the whole world but she would bless Rama a victory, and Ravanna a defeat that would be orchestrated in every little village of the country not to mention the big cities where they burn him heartlessly and in a grand manner . And his fault ?, a crush on someone ( Love does not happen in Kalyuga ! & I would love to be proved wrong !) .

  Why is my opinion or this opinion important or relevant in any manner, I'll leave that to the readers (whom I force feed by writing sympathizing traps to read ;) ). The religious mythological controversy continues with every party making it a point to cash upon it and I am doing the same. Having taken a dig  at Kejaiwal & Congress, how could have BJP stayed off this high voltage controversy ( At least i think so !).I just read that Sushma Swaraj has take the comment on Radha in the movie 'Student of the Year' to score political points. Does she realize that 'Radha' is the characteriztion of every girl who can dance so well and has a tendency to lead the flirty Kanha, thus in these circumstances what would Kanha or anybody do, show some guts, dare her for a dance and its highly likely that she would show traits of being  a woman and act shy and thus you win. I am sure this is what they wanted to portray and besides Kanha being naughty, can say whatever he wants, why are self-appointed sentinels of religion taking offence.

  Every attempt at looking into the matter from a different angle has been suppressed like 'Three Hundred Ramayanas : Five Examples & Three thoughts on Translation' by A.K.Ramanujan and thus generates even more doubts. Diwali celebrates the victory of Good over Evil, what kind of good is it going to do to the society if we keep censoring opinions and feelings.The other half of the story is never heard and a Laxman Rekha is drawn which nobody dares to cross and everybody is threatened not to cross. I tried to make an attempt which would not go down well with many and would borrow a line from a poetry written originally in hindi  "If ever I cross the Laxman Rekha, Consider me Rama....Consider me Rama !!". And if you thought that the writer should take a crash course course in mannerism and have offended you in any manner, accept my apologies and believe me am trying only to express myself and it be taken in the same vigor   

  This one is a 'Stop Gap Arrangement', which is also the title of my next blog and like almost every stop gap arrangement ends up, might fall with its 'face first' injuring your teeth and mine would be more painful with the braces. Don't know which one is me, but yes the crush is pure as it can be. Everyone viewpoint counts and should be registered and passed to coming generations,even Rama sent Laxman to learn from a dying Raavana but we did not hear much of it.This was based on pure imagination (which seems to be gone now and hence The End !) and has nothing to do with my religious inclinations or beliefs. :-)