Dude In Distress!!

Foreword

Quirky but true. The two genders, man and women seem to have mutually agreed on a role reversal or at least it stood true for in a recent situation. What happened the other morning only adds credibility to the trick. Its’ not like there is a sudden surge of Roma-women who eve tease a shy guy on a lonely street in the company of like- minded girlfriends.  And neither does appear a Damsel, out of nowhere. Shoulder length hair, perfect figure, confident walk and those glasses that your girl next door would wear. Yes, glasses make them even sexier. That would have happened in a Si-Fi Hollywood movie, the protagonist in this story lives in a Chennai suburb and thus has toned down fantasies, all that he wants is to meet is a dusky beauty. And if that girl lives in your neighborhood and listens to Bomb Figure by Honey Singh, you can’t stop thanking your stars . What makes the role reversal even more attractive is that unlike cliché stories where the hero saves the Damsel single handedly; this neighbor has a roomie as well. While I am not hinting at a ‘Many Is To One’ relationship; the attractive proposition of ‘If-Not-Else’ can’t be denied by any guy. So far so gorgeous but how on earth does a dude fall in distress.

If you thought it all adds up and the blogger (please read Dude) really needs help and a girl happened to have spot that and offered (help) in good faith. Then you are right and wrong. All indicators lead to the Deception Point. I stopped blogging which meant an essential part of every festival as I blogged on almost every occasion. Or it could have been even worse and I had stopped celebrating festivals altogether and was only gloomy all the time. But that is only partly true. I believe in not so successful blogging mantra of ‘Build your blog strength (at least in count) and through open the gates when the readers thought its’ an impossible outcome’. It will become much easier by this analogy. When the menstrual cycle stops it only means that you had enough of unprotected sex which is a matter of great pride. What comes after 9 months is the rekindling of an extinguished fire only a little more ferocious, ready to gulp everything that comes its’ way. To make for your loss, look up the archives what secret desires have I saved all these months. All I can say is that no matter how ugly the babies turn out to be, the pain of laboring/living for them is always tough and these were 9 healthy full sized blogs. ‘Dude in Distress’ might come across as a phenomenal shift from my style of bragging about myself and praising about them(women), but in the end you will find out I stay the same by changing.

‘Dude In Distress’ is a principle which finds application almost everywhere, even in politics.  The year that just went by witnessed true ‘Dude In Distress’ situations where the grand old dude of Indian politics, Congress was trapped in its own plot by AAP. Here goes the story of ‘Dude In Distress’.

The Post

Pre-Historic men got lucky when they had an opportunity to bail out a damsel in distress. This proved to be such a game catcher that even kind natured men secretly started praying for damsels to fall in distressing situations. Everything looked like a possible ‘Damsel In Distress’ situation to a single male and even school boys started praying for rain in clear April skies. Not all of them carried an extra umbrella to help the ‘Damsel In Distress’ even if they forgot some or the other book every day. Some of them only wanted to see her drenched in rain.

Sick as it was to wish for damsels to land in distress, men started scripting their own story by setting up distresses for damsels. The other and more important reason was that god and weather could not have been relied upon. They have an unpredictable nature. Just when you thought that the weather is good and she will come at the party next lane, god would give thundershowers, ensuring that she stays at home. With education and better mobility, man could reach out to more women leading to too many Rams and a critical shortage of Raavans.

The balance of nature was skewed against heroes looking for a heroine. For hero to be hero there needs to be a villain and there were no villains at all. The situation plagued the society to a magnitude that even movies did not have any villain. Reel and real lives woke up to the benefits of a staged distress for the Damsel. All it required was a group of friends you did not have much affinity for. Ask the group to trouble the girl you liked and jump in to save her. While well-built guys preferred a full fighting sequence, some of them even settled for verbal show of strength where your not so good friends always lost. The unsaid clause being that the ‘Act-Like-Goons’ were not to be seen with you for a certain period of time which depended upon how strong you were going with the girl. Also, if she was dumb enough, you could make her believe that yesterday’s bad-boys had a change of heart and want their company to become a better person. It was all like the Kitty parties, guys stuck to their turns to become the saviors. Giving a helping hand to the girl meant not only getting to keep it; the heart came along as well, melted to perfection. The best part was that you did not have to even ask for any of them. Life was good and everything was going fine till some fool spilled the beans to his girlfriend and the word spread as quickly as women are believed to. Within no time the mobile devices and internet had spread the breaking news about the trick to places far and wide. And to this day women look at helping men with added suspicion.

Another factor that led to the decline of the ‘Stage A Distress’ era was its excessive usage. Like excessive use of an idiom/ phrase, ‘Stage A Distress’ became a cliché. Not a cliché of any minor kind, it started threatening the undisputed leadership of interview and resume clichés that we commit.

Nothing was working out; every move of men met the slammed door reaction. It was then that by accident a guy got locked up in the bedroom of his rented house. His phone was in the living room and all his shouting to the landlord brought no response. What he realized that even in his cries for help, his voice still carried the same accent which he consciously generated while in conversation. For a minute he started thinking about how fake our lives have become that we are not even able to seek help in a natural way. But why was he even thinking all this when he knew that two college girls were his neighbors. Girl neighbors, who greet your arrival by putting a curtain, but this was not the time to be think about all that, it was a time to put on the ‘Dude In Distress’ act. And thus he started throwing all he could find on the windowpanes of their bedroom. 4 Spare buttons, 1 sharpener and 2 erasers later, arrived his girl next door. And he told her about the situation and she did the needful.

In the 5 minutes that it took for him to be become free from his own bedroom, the male brain had already calculated the requisite steps to take her on a date. It was the simple ‘Dude In Distress’ scenario where the girl ends up helping the guy out. Once you help someone, most of us start treating them as someone in constant need of our help. And you start offering all you can to ensure their well-being. 

When a girl becomes the savior she becomes vulnerable to self-dismantling her carefully built guard that she lets down for only a few men. All that was required from here on was to greet – be sweet and offer to thank over dinner and there you have your date. The advantage of this kind of date is that the girl dates you without having found out. Not only would she fall head over heels, she wears her 6 inches pointed ones for the occasion and 4 inches if the guy is less than or equal to 5’4”.Did you say it does not qualify as date? But then seldom are the dates real in the western sense of it in India. At least not from where he came from or the girl came from. Her accent meant she could not have been from the region he came from. He could see the girl next door had left the windows open and the curtains rested on the edges. This could have meant an invitation as most single boys would take it or just letting fresh air come in. But then he was done with these games and turned his back towards open windows. May be he would retire very soon or is just taking some time off the ground. He opened the laptop and started typing “Dude In Distress”.